Earle is in North Carolina on a seminar. I have spent the week alone here and of course I miss him and at times bored being by myself. I wanted to take this opportunity and just do whatever I felt like doing. Most of the week consisted of horror movies, reading, reality tv, & some nice red wine. (um, yeah and doing a minimal amount of accounting work that I needed to do).
I spent the first night Earle was away with his aunt Rosa. She is a big scary movie buff like myself so we had a fun time doing a horror movie night. Wednesday night I spent at my mom's and we had a great girl night watching the Sex and the City flick.
Tonight there was some wine and a horror flick. I also started reading a book I read years ago called "The Doors of Perception" by Alex Huxley. I actually ordered a book case and put it together myself. I was going to wait for Earle to return to help me out but I am really bad at waiting when it comes to any new things I order. I am the type of person that wants to know where its going to go and how its going to look. I like to change a room around. I put the bookcase together myself (wasn't hard) and went down to the basement and collected some of my favorite books to fill up the new bookshelf. Its kind of like a drug. (me getting a thrill out of rearranging a room). Which brings me to the book..
The Doors of Perception is the reason why The Doors named their band what they did. As I started reading it again I came across a sentence that I really think is true. Before I go into that though, the book is basically an experiment with acid. Alex takes mescalin to see what happens. If you never have done acid and want to know what it might feel like, then read this book. I plead the fifth on that subject.
The sentence goes like this..
"We live together, we act on, and react to, one another; but always and in all circumstances we are by ourselves". Alex Huxley (The Doors of Perception).
That sentence hit me. I stopped and read it over more than a few times. Not to bring up, all the time..oh, i had cancer, I SO see things differently now. But this sentence is so true. The reason why is because he "gets it". I mean that by saying if you read something, anything that you can identify with when you read it can stop you in your tracks. You say to yourself, 'yeah, this person is on the same page.' They understand and get what I am feeling.
I think, its one the reasons why readers like to read.
The sentence is true to me because that is how I felt after my diagnosis with breast cancer. I think (maybe) many of my 'sisters' (girls also dx with bc) might feel the same way. Even though we might have loving families, great doctors and amazing people around us, at the end of the day we are alone. We are alone with our own thoughts and our own fears, which can be really debilitating.
My point here, I guess, is that sentence that I read and how it made me feel. We are 'by ourselves'. And that is not being said in a way that is negative.
Its just SO true. Weird, fucked up, but true.
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