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Faced my mortality, Still an Atheist

Being diagnosed with cancer at thirty-one years old was a crazy experience. I call it crazy because so many things happen to you. Along with the physical: surgery, chemo, radiation, hairloss. There are so many mental challenges to overcome. In my case, I handled the physical much better than the mental.

I understand the five stages of grief now. (denial, anger, bargaining, depression,& acceptance). I guess I just thought this was something written in a book that really didn't apply to real life. How can everyone go through the same stages? Everyone is different right?

Also, no one died for me to be grieving so why would those steps apply to me? But someone did die the day I was told I had cancer. That person was the 'old me'. I am now a 'new or different me'.

I was grieving. I just didn't know it at the time.

Denial: I think this stage didn't last very long. I was only in a bit of denial the night before I got the news. This can't be happening. nah. I'm only 31! But I am a realistic person so I had a hard time denying with the evidence, even though no actual proof was given to me yet.

Anger: Anger too was there but not so strong that I was asking Why Me? I know that cancer can happen to anyone at any age. I was more like "I just want to be a normal girl"!! This fucking sucks balls!!

Bargaining: There was not much bargaining, so I guess I can say I almost skipped this step. I felt completely alone. Who was I to bargain with? I didn't all of a sudden start to pray and believe in a higher power. I might have said to myself. Ok, self, if you get through this you will stop smoking, drinking and treat your body better. So, maybe I did bargain with myself a bit.

Depression: Well, I didn't have a problem with this stage. It lasted a long time. I was 'crawl up in the bed and lay in a fetal position' depressed for a good while. I woke up every morning with a pit in my stomach and I really did wonder If I would ever be happy again. The fear of recurrence of the cancer had such a hold on me.

Acceptance: This is a nice place to be. I finally got there, never knowing I could or would. I have accepted the fact that the cancer can return but I don't wake up with a pit in my stomach anymore. I know that I will die someday, maybe sooner than later. I will enjoy my life and not spend it worrying. I don't know how I got to this place in my mind. Its wonderful.

Everyone has heard the saying "There are no atheists in foxholes".

yes, indeed there are.

The A Word

I started a new blog called The A Word. Sort of like The F Word. A is for Atheist.

The name of the blog sums up how I feel when speaking aloud that I am an Atheist. I get that look like I just said the F word in front of a bunch of children.

easter dinner

Christopher Hitchens talks about book

Christopher Hitchens is the author of God is not Great. Tonight I watched him speak about his book.

He asked some important questions. Why do we lie to ourselves? Why do we as human beings like wishful thinking? Why does our human makeup have a fear of freedom? Why do we want to be told what to do?

He basically says that it is innate in all humans to surrender to these feelings.

What does that mean? We want someone to care about us. We might feel better knowing that some higher power is looking out for us. However, our need for that feeling does not make a god reality.

Mr. Hitchens talks about morality. He talked about how it is insulting when someone who does not believe in a god is questioned about their morals. He quoted Fydor Dostoevsky in his book The Brothers Karamazov.. "Isn't everything permissible if god is dead".

In my head, my world, everything is not permissible if there is no god. I know right from wrong..yes, even us atheists do.

This is an amazing book. You would really have to be interested in reading a lot of detailed discussions. The brothers talk about religion in depth and it is very interesting since they have very different point of views. It is like reading a really long conversation that totally moves away from the actually story being told. I happen to like that in a book and found it to be very real to life. Don't we all have off the cuff conversations?

It is insulting to ask such a question about my morality being an atheist because as Hitchens gets to the point by saying..Name an ethical statement or action made by someone of religious faith that could not have been made/done by someone with no faith. So, you don't need religion to be a good person.

Its so freeing actually. I don't feel that anyone is watching over me or knows my thoughts. Who wants that?

not moi.

You need not look at me weird because I'm an atheist

I have heard many, mostly strange comments along with lots of strange looks when I say that I am an atheist.

"oh, your one of those atheists"

"how come you don't just go stab people in the back because you don't believe in god?"

Because I value human life, moron. What the hell kind of question is that? Ok, so the only reason that this believer in god doesn't do terrible things to other members of the human race is because he is afraid of going to hell..well, I'm not afraid of going to hell - I don't believe there is a hell. I just treat others the way I would like to be treated. period.

things to that nature annoy the shit out of me.

Lets get something straight. Atheism is not a negative thing. I just don't believe that some god or higher power is looking over us, I don't think the bible was written by anyone else then men who didn't know much about the earth, let alone the universe. Science has proved that damn book wrong over and over. It is just the way it is..deal.

I might come off as arrogant at times -- some believers may think that I am calling them unintelligent or think that I think I'm smarter or better than them in some way. I can't say this is totally untrue. I do (a bit)look down on those that say ridiculous things...as you would to. It is human nature.

There is so much irrefutable proof of the age of the universe it surprises me so much that anyone can still believe that we have only been here 6,000 years. come-on people ..get a grip on reality. Take a look at more than the creationists websites and delve into science...real science.

It is so funny to me that creationists will reject evolution but are so confident about other science fields that they use in everyday life. Science also save lives. Evolution is argued as false because it doesn't 'fit' with what the bible says. That will throw a lot of people for a loop...

Believe whatever you like but it does not make it true. from the conversations that I have had with intelligent designers to creationists it seems they always get mad and end the conversation. So I have to ask myself why they do this.

Its because I'm making them think about what they believe. I am not just trying to prove myself right because I want to be right, I'm trying to get those I have a discussion/debate with to think about things when I bring up some ideas or questions. I always feel like they ..'don't want to go there"...it might make them question their beliefs. Shouldn't everybody question their beliefs though? What is wrong with that? Blindly believing in stuff doesn't really make much sense.

I do not want to hear..oh, you just want to prove yourself right - I'm trying to argue certain points. Well, isn't that what a debate is all about? They cannot handle going back and forth -- one to one conversation about specific issues. They get hostile because they know that if they go there in their minds their belief system might crumble.

sad. I like living in reality myself.

EDIT: I do not try and attack anyone. Actually, I find that most conversations I have about religion and belief are started by another person, in the room, on a website ect. If you put something out there and I question it, give my reasonings on the subject, you can either..have a debate with me on a subject, give your own reasonings, have backup proof of that reasoning, or just ignore me.

Why we bother?

I read an excellent post at Evanescent titled Why do I Bother?

For those who might wonder why I bother to talk about religion, faith, atheism, evolution and other matters should read the above post.

Here are some of what Evanescent has to say - I totally agree. I only pasted a few paragraphs - if you want to read the post in its entirety you can click on the above link.

There are many people who think the debate over religion is irrelevant. They think it’s just another age-old tit-for-tat argument between intellectuals, scientists, or people with too much time on their hands. Some even call it boring, unimportant. They think we (atheists, or for that matter people who spend any time discussing it) should mind our own businesses and get on with life.

Well, if you’re one of those people who think the arguments over religion are boring, or think that us non-believers should just let religion be and get on with our lives, let me tell you something: you’re stupid, and you don’t know what you’re talking about.

The “religion debate” is the most important one on the planet, and here’s why: your life probably depends on it. Sticking your head in the sand is an appropriate metaphor in this case, because if religious dogma doesn’t suffocate you, your surroundings will be very much like a desert – literally. I’m talking about nuclear war style wastelands. The most powerful country on earth has bigoted bible-drunk fundamentalists in places of power; its leader is a self-confessed born again Christian who believes that god talks to him. On the other side, fundamentalist Muslims blow themselves and countless innocents up in colossal terror attacks or daily suicide bombings: a bus, a church, a high-street, it makes no difference: the more innocent people the better!

We must all respect peoples’ right to have an opinion or belief. But respecting that right is not synonymous with respecting the belief itself. But who cares, as long as no one gets hurt? You’re free to believe that the moon is made of cheese if you want! I might not take you seriously, but as long as you don’t hurt anyone then it’s your business. But keep it your business.

Unfortunately, religion will not respect our business or opinion, which is why it’s outstayed its welcome on this beautiful planet of ours. Life is too short and too precious to ruin it with the delusions and myths of yesteryear. As Christopher Hitchens says: religion poisons everything. It does affect you, because it affects everyone! The future of mankind is genuinely in the balance and I truly believe our species will survive or wipe itself out based on our response to religion.

Ah - I'm one of those atheists

A guy said in jest last night after I had made some comment in our conversation. "Ah, your one of those atheists". The conversation was cut short - not because him or I wasn't interested in the discussion but of course its not politically correct to talk of such things at a neighbors party.

Well why the hell not? I'm not going to get into a heated debate. I am a grown up and can discuss things rationally and intelligently and also listen to others point of views. Whats more interesting than talking about the nature of our universe, about god, about what is going on in our world because of religion.

Its taboo because someone might get offended. oh well. I guess I'll just have to speak my mind here since no one wants me talking about religion and god (except my dad) and the fact that as a species -- most of us are superstitious and this is not helping our future generations.

Other people are just not interested in the topic at all. We can't know for sure if God exists so why not just leave it at that? To me it is an interesting topic and that I enjoy reading and talking about.

What about heaven and hell? What proof has there ever been in these two places except what it says in the bible? none. There is no heaven and hell. There is no afterlife of bliss. This is it. I think that is why an atheist has a much healthier mind and life, we are not constrained by the fact that what we do in this life will give us a reward or a punishment after we die. We are living this life fully aware that it is all we get.

People might crook their heads at me, like a dog does when you make a strange noise, after they hear me say I'm an atheist or that I don't believe in any God. The funny thing is that I crook my head when someone says they are going to go pray or talk about how they found Jesus.

It might give you comfort to believe in God and an afterlife right? But what if its all nonsense like I am saying? What if your believing in a fairy tale?

Why would I want to burst anyone's bubble? A few main reasons. Stem Cell research, creationist museums, trying to teach creationism in school science classes. What the hell is going on?

There has never been any proof of anything that the bible says. It was written by men that didn't know a thing about our universe. It says that the sun revolves around the earth. If the book is wrong on that then why can't it be wrong on other things. Most of us have never even read the bible. But those who do and study it really make me wonder how they can ever see it as a good book. I guess they skip over the bad parts and just read what they like to read.

I might be a minority but I consider myself in good company since our smartest scientists in the world are mainly atheists.

Belief without Reason

Steven Pinker

I have this book sitting on my shelf that I bought over a year ago that I have yet to read. The Blank Slate by Steven Pinker. In the book Intelligent Thought he writes an essay called:

Evolution and Ethics

Pinker states that the point of his essay is that "Its true science cannot provide us with moral principles. But neither can religion."

He talks about why it seems that there is association with religion and morality. If anyone would look at history they would see that the opposite seems to happen. The bible talks of many atrocities of humans killing others in the name of God.

Pinker states "that religion has given the world stonings, witch burnings, crusades, inquisitions, holy wars. jihads, fatwas, suicide bombers, gay bashers, abortion-clinic gunmen, child molesters, and mothers who drown their sons so they can happily be reunited in heaven."

Pinker poses the question "If morality doesn't come from religion, where does it come from?"

This is an important question to me, since I have been asked some ridiculous questions from an old boss of mine. I was never shy to say that I was an agnostic or atheist, if the subject came up. It did come up a lot after I was diagnosed with breast cancer. My boss didn't say this but someone commented on how I could ever get through such a thing without God or believing in God. I guess I was put to the ultimate atheist test at that point - would I revert to praying once cancer came into my life? no.

When I was told I had cancer I was scared to death. I had to face my mortality head on at a relatively young age. I never even once thought of praying to God. I knew that in my mind it was all just a matter of whether the chemo would work, my immune system could kick in or that the cancer was not that virulent and I would survive. I put my faith in my knowledge about what decisions to make and the physicians that I picked to help me with my cancer battle.

Back to my old boss - I think he actually was a bit fascinated with me being an atheist so he would ask me some odd questions that I never encountered before. One was: How come (since you don't believe in God) that you don't go out and stab people in the back. I think he meant it figuratively, not literally. So, what was he saying here? He was wondering how I could have morals if I didn't believe in an afterlife and God. My answer was this -- I don't stab people in the back or do horrible things to others because I value human life. Thats it.

So does that mean the only reason that HE isn't doing bad things to others is because he believes he will be punished in the afterlife? Hmmm..I think that maybe I'm the better person here because I'm trying to be a moral person for the sake of it. Not because I believe I'm going to get a reward or punishment after I die.

So what does Pinker have to say on this issue?

"The theory of natural selection has no trouble explaining the evolution of moral sense. The love of one's children and other blood relatives is a direct consequence of the way evolution works. a gene that impelled an organism to help a close relative would indirectly be helping a copy of that gene sitting inside the relative, and such a gene would then spread through the population"

"So not only is Darwinism compatible with our having moral sense, it can explain why we evolved to have one."

It seems clear to me that this moral sense that we do have is part of us because we want our species to survive and carry on. It is a positive attribute. Remember learning in biology class -- Survival of the Fittest? As homo sapiens we are at the top of the latter as far as other species on this earth. We got here by generations upon generations upon generations etc... of using what best works to keep us alive and reproducing.